February 19th, 2008

Castro Resigns! And Musharraf Conceeds Defeat!

Jesus, talk about waking up to a whole new world!

One of Rome Girl's friends is a CNN Producer. Wonder what his day is going to be like?

Miami must be going batshit crazy right now.

Here's a chance for Bush to actually have a legacy - by normalizing relations with Cuba.

Or else a chance for Obama, Clinton, Huckabee and McCain to all have something new to argue about - because if Bush doesn't normalize relations with Cuba, then whomever is in office next is going to have to make that decision one way or another.

And, fuck I wouldn't want to be a presidential candidate and be asked that question by a reporter, because any response you give pisses off half of Florida.

Blu Ray

So, the adult industry is freaking out this week, because the next gen DVD wars are over and Blu Ray has won.

Why, is this a big deal, you may wonder?

Because the porn industry hates next gen DVDs.

The problem is that the quality on them is too good - so while the porn companies were producing a few movies in both competing HDDVD formats, as long as there was a format war going on they had the option to not completely commit to the new technology.

Now, they figure, the market will demand their porn in the new format.

Unfortunately, porn looks gross in high definition. All of the tricks they've used to create the illusion that porn requires gets fucked up on HDTV.

For example, did you know that 9 times out of 10 when you see a guy cum in porn, he's not really cumming? Instead they use realistic dick shaped water pistols that they fill up with Ivory soap. On regular DVD this looks just like jizz. On HDTV it looks like soap. They do this for several reasons:

1. They often need the guy hard for several scenes. Even with viagara, once the guy cums it can waste time on the shoot waiting for him to get ready again, so they'd really rather he didn't.

2. Believe it or not, most porn companies provide health care benefits to porn workers. And their premiums are much, much higher if they allow jizz to touch the actresses face, ass or vagina. So, to save money they use soap.

3. Porn consumers tend to like to see a nice white milky load. This is hard to consistently produce.

Another thing that gets fucked up in HDTV is vaginal makeup. Yes, vaginal makeup. As most of us know vaginas in real life don't tend to look quite as pink and defined as they do in porn. That's because in porn they use special makeup on the vj to make it look all pink and shiny. In HDTV you can see that it's makeup.

Then there are boobs. Almost every porn actress has had boob jobs. Makeup is used to hide the incision scars. Again, on HDTV this is obvious.

Finally, gay porn is really, really fucked with this. Because, in the real world there aren't that many guys with wangs the size that dudes want to see in gay porn. So, you guessed it, a lot of dudes wear special rubber cocks over their normal cocks. On regular DVD this looks like dick. on HDTV it looks like a Halloween costume.

So, today, porn people are totally shitting themselves.