January 27th, 2008

Soon To Be Sperminated

Jenna Bush's bridal shower is happening at the White house as I write this.

God, I hope there's a male stripper.

And, I hope he's dark skinned.

And, I hope she blows him.

And, I hope he captures it on his cell phone camera and gives it to his boyfriend who then sells it to the National Enquirer.

Unless, of course Jenna and her friends are all getting drunk and watching the South Carolina returns and rooting for Obama and someone sells that story to the tabloids.

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What Is Kiddie Porn?

Modern technology has brought us an interesting case in Pennsylvania.

The basic deal is this, one girl used her cellphone to take pictures of her tits and then texted the pictures to some dudes. Around the same time another high school dude took a cell phone video of a girl blowing him.

As you can imagine within a day or two the picture and the video had been forwarded to essentially every student in the high school. When the school administration eventually found out, they called in the cops to investigate it as incidences of "child pornography."

But, is it?

Under the law the girl who took pictures of her own boobs is both the victim and perpetrator of the crime - since she created and distributed pictures of her own underage boobs.

I agree that what she did isn't bright. But... imagine instead of sending pics of her tits on her cellphone she had simply taken off her blouse and flashed her schoolmates at a school football game. The result would have been the same - most of the school seeing her tits - but no one would consider it pornography. So, how does using a mechanical device to show your tits become a serious legal problem when you can show them to anyone you want without a camera?

The blow job video is obviously a murkier issue. Any dude that films himself getting head and then forwards the video to his friends is clearly a dick. And it's unclear whether the girl knew she was being video taped (though I suspect it would be hard not to notice that the dude you were blowing was holding a camera above your head.)

Still, from a strictly legal point of view that dude could be considered a victim as well - since the video obviously contains images of his dick. Again - and I'm not saying this would have been a good thing - but she could have blown him in front of a bunch of people at a party - and it wouldn't be considered "child pornography." Though it would have been dumb.

So, where is the line?

Think of it this way - if it's illegal to send out pictures of your own boobs, how else could the child sex laws be used.

Could a 15 year old girl be charged with statutory rape if she's caught masturbating - since she's technically not old enough to give sexual consent to anyone, including herself?

Paris Will Be Burning

Rome Girl bought her tickets to Paris for next weekend yesterday.

The deal is that she hasn't been able to get hammered with one of her best drinking buddies for like four years. Because every time they've been in the same country her friend has either been pregnant, trying to get pregnant or nursing.

So, now that they have a window of opportunity she's flying out from New York and Rome Girl is taking the train north and the two of them are going to have a "lost weekend" in the City of Lights.

I fear for the bartenders of Paris.

On a similar note my parents bought their tickets to France this week as well. Along with another couple they are renting a barge and are going to pilot it up the Canal du Midi. They'll stop in Montpellier for a day or two. I promise I'll post pictures.

I wish they had contacted me about dates first, however. Because they are flying into Paris on the afternoon of June 21 - which is Fete de la Musique.

Fete de la Musique is one of the best holidays in the world. Every street in every major city is packed with musicians, they relax the drinking in public laws, bars set up outdoor stalls and sell beer and wine in plastic cups and people just wander the streets getting drunk and listening to tunes.

It's like a nationwide Mardi Gras event.

The prolem is, I can't imagine flying into Paris in the middle of that. Good luck getting a cab into the city, all of the restaurants will have been reserved way in advance, and if you are jet lagged and sleepy you'll have to try to get some rest while hundreds of thousands of drunk people are partying and singing in the streets below you.

Oh well.

C'est la vie.