December 14th, 2007

New Years Resolutions

I don't know about you guys but I hate the type of New Year's resolutions where you say stuff like "I'll lose 15 pounds" or "I'll give more to charity" or "I'll make new friends."

Fuck that shit. I like to make resolutions that I have a reasonable chance of keeping.

So here is my list for 2008.

1. Drink gin at least four days a week.

2. Find online pictures of naked girls with pubic hair.

3. Pet my cat.

4. Avoid strangling hookers.

5. Listen to music that annoys Rome Girl.

6. Figure out how to play "Raining Blood" on Guitar Hero 3 Medium Level.

7. Keep nicotine blood levels up.

8. Get lots of blow jobs from Rome Girl.

9. Donate money to Republican candidate who can't possibly win in the general election - thus making life slightly easier on the Dems.

10. Add an extra dose of snark to my life.

(no subject)

As I write more of these gay escort reviews I keep finding amusing lines in the original reviews dudes have posted:

"He dominated and submitted me for over an hour"

"He did bench presses on my body which was awesome, to watch his vascularity."

"He lifted all 200 pounds of me on his shoulder, carried me over to the mirror, and started doing squats! "

"John is completely interactive."

"You could rest drinks on his ass."

Overheard In My Apartment

Rome Girl while copy editing my Gay Guide To Rome:

"The Vatican is where catholic boys go to play with themselves? Did you really write that? That is so fucked up. I can't believe you wrote up the Vatican as a gay cruising spot. And you wrote about cruising priests! You are so going to hell! This is so fucked up. This is wrong. This is just so fucked up."