December 7th, 2007


Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of pussy Chuck Norris eats.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelry."

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

The only thing Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris can agree on is that Tom Cruise is a faggot.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris divides by zero.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.


My parents have given up on trying to figure out how works, so they are simply going to give me money later today to buy a Wii for Rome Girl and I for Christmas.

I had to promise them that we won't take it out of the box until Dec. 24.

Anyway, anyone have any suggestions on good games for it? Or information on technical issues I should be aware of?

Good Clean Fun

Jezebel today reviews the latest Cosmo sex tips.

One of them is "Have sex in the shower."

Is it just me or is shower sex mostly an urban legend?

Sure, I've gotten BJs in the shower and I've eaten girls out in the shower, but I've never once successfully had sex in the shower.

Tab A never seems to quite line up with Slot B.

Or, am I missing something?

Lion Kitten!

The cutline on this photo says the cub was born Dec. 7 in Berlin. Given that it's eyes are open I find that doubtful, though it is pretty young.

Anyway, it's fucking cute.

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