November 13th, 2007

From The Freelance Job Boards

Project Description:

I'm putting up a website for a band I'm in. The music is alternative rock. Our attitude is a bit irreverent, philosophical and with just a bit of self-deprecating humor.

We have a bio page to create and this is where I need a good writer with a good wit

My idea for the bio page isn't the traditional bio, but rather a description of how we came about as a result of 4 billion years of evolution.

Imagine the bio starting, four billion years ago the first amoeba was formed by amino acid strands. I'm not sure of the actual facts, but you get the idea. This page would continue to describe the evolution of life and man, with odd twists of subtle humor dropped in. Eventually we get to the 20th century when Jake Sherwood Fannin and Chris Julian were born¦then in the 21st century they formed the band Mercy Curve. See, the band was four billion years (or however long it actually was) in the making.

I'm looking for it to be 250-500 words.

So, So Meta

Rome Girl wants to make some changes to the second edition of the Miss Expatria book so she's having me read through it for flow and style.

It's a bit of a weird exercise for me because the middle section of the book is about when we met and our first few months of long distance dating. You can imagine how strange it is to find out exactly what your partner was thinking when she first started seeing you.

It's mostly complimentary (which makes sense since she kept dating me) but also comes from a point of view that I would never have guessed at back then. She was nervous each time she came to meet me and kept wondering if I really wanted her to come back or was just looking to get laid and/or getting tired of her.

She also writes at how she thought I was "brilliant" which astounds me since I was still way, way batshit crazy back then.

What' even more amusing are her initial impressions of Montpellier and the expat community.

Here is an example from her description of her fourth visit here:

"Cal has a black eye. He and Victoria went to the movies and she brought in vodka and passed out and he thought she was dead and he slapped her really hard to wake her up and she awoke swinging at him reflexively.

Their world is not my world."

Tampa Is Weird

Just finished the Gay Guide To Tampa.

Man is this a strange city.

It's full of things that would be outrageously gay in other cities but are portrayed at hetero here - including "Krewe" which is a practice where groups of straight men get together in order to dress up in drag and throw street parties.

Also they have an entire day dedicated to dressing up like pirates and pirate wenches and talking like pirates.

Then there is Guavaween.

I Guess Dudes In Alabama Can't Compete With The Rabbit

Following complaints by religious and "family"groups and a two year legal battle, a federal appeals court has upheld an Alabama statute which prohibits the commercial distribution of sex toys.

"...dildos and other toys are 'a nuisance and they certainly are conducive for promiscuity and loose morals.' Rev. Ireland also suggested that the ban "may prevent a lot of health problems."

Random Note

I'd really like it if my cat stopped waking me up at 6 a.m. because even with the help of Xanax it still takes me at least an hour and often longer to get back to sleep afterwards.

Random Note Number Two

A few years ago I had to do a guide to help straight dudes find escorts in a bunch of cities around the United States. All the sites I used for reference had ads for penis pills and condoms.

This year I had to do a guide to help gay dudes get laid in a bunch of cities around the United States. All the ads on the sites I used for reference had ads for gyms and baldness cures.

I'm not sure what to make of the difference unless sucking cock leads to hair loss.