November 8th, 2007

Drink, Drank Drunk

Cockney Geezer, Cockney Geezer's Geezette, her daughter, her daughter's best friend, Miss Expatria and Drunk Ex Pat Writer at the all you can eat/all you can drink African bar two weeks ago.

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An Alternative Plan To Internet Dating

Over the past few months I've seen any number of posts - either here on LJ or on other blog boards - saying that "Internet Dating Is Dead."

What they mean, in general, is that these people have tried Internet dating, still don't have a partner and are frustrated. What seemed at first to be a miracle cure for dating doldrums - and a way to contact a far larger number of people than at the local bar - ended up posing the same issues as dating in real life.

But, the thing is Internet dating can work. I know it can because it worked for me. During the 18 months I was active on Nerve I went out with 18 girls and had sex (if we count oral to orgasm as "sex) with 14 of them. And I found my long term partner - hence why Rome Girl sometimes teasingly refers to herself as "14."

I'm not trying to brag here - my point is simply that if you want ass you can find ass, if you want an LTR you can find that too.

That said I've read the "advice" given out on Internet dating and I did it completely differently than the advice. So, it occurs to me that perhaps Internet dating isn't dead - it's the way people date on the Internet.

Anyway, I figured I'd pass on my successful Internet dating system. Of course (to prevent troll comments) this may not work for everyone. It requires a bit of patience and some brass balls and/or onyx ovaries.

1. Talk to your potential dates for weeks online before your first date. All this advice on getting the first date over with as soon as possible to figure out if you have "chemistry" is bullshit. It simply means you'll end up going out on a lot of crappy first dates.

2. Don't trust the profile picture. It's the best picture ever taken of that person. During your weeks of email and/or IM exchanges get lots and lots of pictures of the other person. You can't tell if someone is really attractive if you've seen less than about a dozen pics. If the person only ever sends headshots be very, very afraid.

3. Always have several rounds of cyber or email sex before you go out on the first date. This isn't because you are a perve. It's so you can figure out if the two of you are sexually compatible in the abstract. Better to find out now than on the sixth date. EDIT: To be clear when I talk of "cyber or email sex" I'm not referring necessarily to talking dirty about fucking each other. I'm talking about anything that brings up sex directly. Obviously some people would rather talk about fantasies. Other people would rather talk about previous experiences. Some people may just want to say "I like this" or "I don't like that." My main point is get some sort of sex talk going upfront so you figure out if you have sexual compatibility. Better to find out now than in the bedroom.

4. Understand that both of you will mostly likely be going out on dates with other people before your first date. Talk to them about their dates. You'll learn more by how they react to their dates than you'd think. You'll find out what their dealbreakers are. You'll figure out if they are a nut job. You'll know what not to do on the first date - and probably discover something you can do to make the first date special.

5. Use these weeks wisely. If you get more pictures and realize you aren't attracted to the person don't go out on the first date. Same goes for if the cybersex isn't doing it for you or if their descriptions of their dates sets off ANY red flags.

6. Try and find out how their last relationship ended. This will tell you more than you'd expect.

7. Everyone has at least one "worst feature" about their personality and/or body. Mention this before the first date and see how the person reacts. There is no point in hiding it. If you have a beer belly tell them. Better they blow you off now than see you on the first date and are like "fuck, he has a beer belly."

8. Everyone has at least one "best feature." Don't mention this. You'll build up expectations. It's much, much better to let your best feature come out in person as a pleasant surprise.

9. If the person pushes for a date during the first week or two of your first contact don't go out with them. Explain once that you take things slow with Internet dating. If they are into you and are worth it, they'll be patient.

10. The first date should be drinks at a bar and then dinner at a restaurant. When walking from the bar to the restaurant try to kiss your date. At this point they've talked to you online for weeks and have now been with you for an hour or so in person. They know if they are attracted to you and you know if you are attracted to them. If they respond well to the kiss, relax and be a charming dinner companion. They like you! If they don't respond well, then there's no chemistry. Treat them to a nice dinner, don't act disappointed and don't try to make another move later in the evening. Sure, they may not be into you, but they'll go home feeling like you've treated them with class. And, they probably have some single friends.