November 6th, 2007

Stuffed Up

Ever since we turned the heater on for the first time this Winter Sunday night I've felt like shit.

What happens is that mold builds up in the electric heaters over the spring and summer and when you turn them on it blows the mold and dust out around the apartment. The result is a head that is so congested it feels like a sniffling balloon.

Because I know this happens every winter I tried to ignore it yesterday, but it was so fucking hard to think I went to the pharmacy (which functions like a doctor's office for minor things in France) to see what they could do.

Their first idea was gunk I could pour into a bowl of hot water and then inhale for 15 to 20 minutes several times a day. That sounded like voodoo so I blew that off. Then they wanted me to rub minty shit over my upper torso and leave it there. Sorry, I have a life and don't want to go outside smelling like mint julips.

So, I've settled on some nasal spray. If it doesn't work I'm just going to say fuck it and deal with it until the mold/dust gets out of my system.

Gross

About a week or two ago I signed Rome Girl to a really high paying gig for an advertising agency in New York. For the most part what they do is come up with keyword density web copy for doctors dentists and surgeons.

Overall, the work is easy. You get a list of the procedures they do and then have to write about 300 words or so explaining each and every one.

The challenge is - and the reason the gig pays $40 an hour under the table - is that to do so you have to go to Wikipedia and learn what the procedures are.

And, let me tell you, the photos they use when they are explaining medical procedures on Wikipedia are some of the most disturbing images I have ever seen.

A couple are so gross she's asked me to do them for her - since I'm not the type of dude who knows how to fix shit around the house my key Boyfriend Skill is that almost nothing grosses me out.

Man, oh man, do I wish I hadn't agreed to do the one on eye surgery.

Yuck, yuck and double yuck.

It makes Faces of Death look like a Disney film.

Don't Drink The Bong Water

From the madmen at Fleshbot I bring you a vibrator that is also a functioning bong.

Man, do I wish there were work safe photos to go along with this - but all the ad images are of a topless girl smoking weed out of the thing's "head."

This brings to mind several questions:

1. What do you use for bong water? I can think of several options.

2. Couldn't this cause infections? Like, can resin possibly be good for pussy?

3. If you are a guy and you do a bong hit out of this - is that kinda gay?

4. Aren't smoking pot and masturbation things you don't want to do at exactly the same time?

5. Wouldn't it be sorta too hot to use after a few hits?

The mind boggles.