October 26th, 2007

Girls, Girls, Girls

Things I wish I'd known about sex and girls when I was 18.

(Note: I'm a boy, so it's possible, and perhaps likely, that I'm still wrong about a lot of girl shit. Feel free to add your own observations and if I'm way off base on something, remember that I have a penis, so that's normal.)

1. Women can separate sex and love. In fact, they often do so better than we do.

2. Stamina isn't everything. Yes, it's great not to cum in 10 seconds. But, going too long will piss the girl off even more than if you are a speedy squirter.

3. Chicks want dick just as much as guys want pussy. They are just more selective and subtle about it.

4. You can spank a girl, call her a slut and be a total bastard when you are fucking her - but only if you are really nice to her outside the bedroom.

5. Always cuddle a girl after cumming on her face, tits, neck or ass. Cuddle her a lot.

6. If a girl wants to kiss you after she's sucked your cock, let her.

7. Sometimes girls like it when you cum too quickly.

8. If you are wondering if your girl had an orgasm, don't ask her. She probably didn't and you certainly don't want to know.

9. The best way to make a girl want to fuck you is to be getting laid regularly. The best way to ensure that a girl doesn't want to fuck you is to not be getting laid regularly.

10. Girls who put out on the first date are more than worth it - and should be treated with love and respect, because they'll make great girlfriends.

11. She's just as tempted to cheat as you are. Perhaps more so because she has more opportunities and is probably better at getting away with it.

12. Fuck yeah, size matters!

13. Being too sweet to her is a great way to make sure she keeps her panties on.

14. Unless you are a rock star or in the CIA, odds are she could give a shit about what you do for a living.

15. Somtimes, when it comes to her boobs, it's not about the nipples, but about the tops and the sides.

Scumbags

So, a father whose son was killed in Iraq is suing the scumbags from GodHatesFags.com for heckling and protesting his son's funeral.

Asked Wednesday about a sign that read "Thank God for dead soldiers," Snyder said he thinks about it daily.

"I see that sign when I lay in bed," Snyder said.

Asked about statements issued by the group that his son was raised to support the "Roman Catholic monstrosity" and then sent to fight for the "United States of Sodomy," Snyder said "they have no right to do this to people they didn't know."

I Love The New York Post

This has to be the best opening paragraph to a news story ever.

October 25, 2007 -- The case of the insane, drug-addicted, transgendered model wannabe, who's suing the billionaire moneyman with an alleged penchant for underage girls and a sculpture of dog feces in his Upper East Side mansion, is getting weird.

The best part of the update - she apparently hears "demonic voices."

Also, they didn't have actual sex. He just liked to lick her.