September 10th, 2007

Advice

Say you had a friend who was a bachelor boy who likes to wear white shirts and boxers.

Now, imagine your friend accidentally washed those white shirts with a maroon shirt and they came out pink.

How much bleach should your friend put in the washing machine to fix this and at what point during the wash process would you put it in?

Thanks!

Rugbytron

The city has set up a giant Jumbotron (is that redundant?) in the middle of the Place de la Comedie showing all the rugby matches and highlights and general World Cup mania.

It's really cool looking, but I don't exactly get the point.

Every single bar, restaurant, cafe, haircutting place and shop has at least one television showing the games at all times - so, why exactly would someone need/want to stand in the middle of the town square watching the games?

It would be like choosing to watch The Super Bowl while standing in the middle of Times Square rather than simply going to a nearby sportsbar, sitting down, having a beer and watching the game.

Stronger Teeth Penis Breath

For the ad I'm writing today I had to research the helth advantages of getting laid.

Imagine my surprise when in Forbes Magazine of all places I saw a bullet point stating that sex can lead to "Stronger Teeth."

How does that work?

Check out their explanation:

Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay. Since this is a family Web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system. Suffice it to say that it could be a far richer, more complex and more satisfying experience than squeezing a tube of Crest--even Tartar Control Crest.

Question

If you were looking at an ad for a guide to picking up chicks and getting laid and saw the slogan "Take The Mystery Out Of Getting Laid!" would you get the joke?

Know Thine Enemy

Facts About Tonga!

* On either his 1773 or 1777 visit, Captain Cook presented a tortoise to the king. This tortoise, known thereafter as Tuʻi Malila, lived to be either 188 or 192 years old. It is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest animal (kingdom Animalia) on record.
* The late king of Tonga (Tupou IV) had for some time been listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the heaviest monarch in the world.
* Tonga is famous as the location where Fletcher Christian forced William Bligh into an open boat during the mutiny on HMS Bounty (1789). Bligh briefly went ashore at Tofua, which was then heavily populated, in search of water. The Tongans fought Bligh and killed a member of his crew, forcing Bligh back out into the open ocean. Bligh and his small crew eventually made their way to the Dutch East Indies, setting a record for the longest voyage in an open boat (3618 nautical miles / 6701 km).
* In 1972, the military of Tonga took over the territory of the micronation Republic of Minerva, which had created an artificial island on the Minerva reefs. Tonga's claim has since been disputed by neighboring Fiji, as well as by a group claiming to be the "government in exile" of the Principality of Minerva.
* In Wil McCarthy's The Queendom of Sol, a series of science fiction novels, the Queen of Sol is said to be a descendant of the Tongan royal family.
* The Walt Disney film The Other Side of Heaven, is based on the real life story of a young (Mormon) missionary in Tonga, though the film was shot on location in the Cook Islands.
* Jonah, a character on the Australian mockumentary Summer Heights High (created by Chris Lilley) is of Tongan heritage.
* The members of the R&B/dance group The Jets, which scored a number of US hits in the 1980s, are originally from Tonga. They are all children of Maikeli and Vaké Wolfgramm who both migrated to the United States in the late 1960's.

The Britney Performance Finally Makes Sense

For those of you wondering why the fuck Britney seemed so dazed and confused at the VMA's there is finally a reasonable explanation.

She had, apparently, five minutes before she went on, heard Sarah Silverman reherse this monologue,.

Now, readers of this blog know that I'm generally OK with politically incorrect humor, but this is beyond the pale.

You don't tell someone that their children are "just as cute as the hairless vagina they came from" and expect them not to freak the fuck out.

She also says much much worse stuff about Britney herself, but what gets my dander up is her insulting Britney's kids - who really have done nothing wrong.