August 29th, 2007

I Hope Google Isn't Tracking Me

Today I'm doing a bunch of copywriting for a dermatologist. This means I've now added fun terms like "warts", "moles", "psoriasis", "acne", "cysts" and "skin cancers" to my google history.

Since this comes only days after having to google (for a different client) "gay park cruising NYC" and "bareback bathhouses San Francisco" one can only imagine what Google thinks of me.


One of my friends is generally a fairly put together aggressive drunk.

The type of guy where while he does drink too much has the balls to do it and the worst thing that can happen is that he tells the wrong guy to fuck off. But for the past few weeks he's been different. Like he's been nice to people that generally piss him off and in a lot of ways been more put together than I've ever seen him. He's turned people who didn't like him into friends and just been way cool.

The downside is that he's also started getting much, much drunker than her ever did before, even though he's not drinking more than he used to. I think that he's simply been put on medication and just doesn't get that meds can fuck with your booze.

I'm so torn on this one because at one level I'm so happy that he's getting along with people better. That said, three times this week he's needed to crash at my place in the afternoon or early evening.

Tonight really pissed me off because on my way home Squirt jumped into my arms a block and a half away from here - because he'd been so drunk/stoned he'd forgotten to lock the door and Squirt has never seen the outside world. Lucky for me, as far as I can tell the outside world did not impress Squirt and she hung around until she saw me and then was like "Please, Daddy, take me the fuck home!"

I really don't want him to do this shit anymore, but I'm worried that if I give him shit he'll think "well this medication is costing me my friends so I should stop it" when in actuality whatever is happening is getting him more friends.

Plus, he hasn't admitted he's on medication yet, which makes it much harder for me to bring it up.


Missing You. Missing Me

Celebrity Interviewer: "So, Drunk Ex Pat Writer, what did you do with your scandalous Wednesday night as a swinging bachelor?"

Drunk Ex Pat Writer: "Um, I gave one of my friends a place to crash for an hour or so. Then I did two loads of laundry and the dishes and started thinking about making pork chops for dinner."

Celebrity Interviewer: "You didn't fuck beautiful women or suck the cocks of beautiful men?"

Drunk Ex Pat Writer: "No. Honestly, like doing the dishes and the laundry just reminded me of Rome Girl and made me like appreciate her and swoon a bit over her."

Celebrity Interviewer: "Doesn't that make you a sexist?"

Drunk Ex Pat Writer: "Um, no. Because I do the dishes and sometimes the laundry when she's here. I just do it less often when she's not here."

Celebrity Interviewer: "So, what made you do it tonight?"

Drunk Ex Pat Writer: "I wanted the place to smell like it does when she's here. And when she's here it smells like soap and it smells clean and beautiful. Lately, it's smelled like boy masturbation, old sandwiches and cat farts. But when I got done with the laundry and the dishes it smelled like Rome Girl was in my arms again. And that allowed me to jerk off imagining she was here and we were making love."

"Don't Cry To Me Oh Baby!"

About three days ago I downloaded the entire Misfits catalog from Mininova and have been sorta obsessively listening to the tunes.

I know that I'm not the only one out there who likes these songs.

But, I do know that I can't decide which one I like best.

Do any of you have a favorite?

I'm torn between:

Last Caress



Green Hell

Die! Die! Die! My Darling!


We Are 138! (I'm sorta leaning towards this one since it's kinda, sorta a Star Wars reference.)

Though I want to hear your choices as well (and since I have the catalog will play them the second I hear your comment.)

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Fetish Of The Year

I didn't think it was possible to find anything better than Quicksand or Baloon fetishes.

But, damn was I wrong.

Here we have an entire book dedicated to guys who have a fetish for girls smoking pot.

Because, honestly what could be hotter than driving out to buy five bags of Dorritos and two pizzas for your girl while she is too spaced out to fuck you but has enough energy to explain why she owns five different versions of Dark Side of the Moon 12 times in a row?