July 23rd, 2007

Just Say No

I realized Friday night that I was almost out of Xanax so I got up early Saturday morning to go to my medical doctor and ask him to give me another prescription.

He ended up taking the day off, so I had to go back this morning, hoping he'd be there and be cool.

When I walked in he asked me how I was doing and I told him that the Xanax seemed to be working and I'd started seeing a shrink.

(The following conversation was in French.)

"You know," he said. "Paxil could do for you in a day what it would take a shrink a year to do for you."

"Um, maybe," I said. "But I don't want to be on Paxil. I want to, like, get healthy."

"Well," he said. "an analyst will make you more stressed at first. I hope you realize that."

"Um, OK," I said. "I'll think about that."

"Well," he said, "if you are going to go to an analyst I'm going to double your Xanax prescription so you are less stressed."

"Good," I said. "My (French word that can mean "woman", "girlfriend" or "wife") is much happier with me on Xanax and going to a shrink."

"Well," he said. "That is the most important thing."

I took from this conversation that my doctor really likes using the word "well" ("alors")

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Little Shop Of Horrors Reference

Today Rome Girl had to go back to the dentist to have some more work done on her teeth.

(This conversation was in Rome Girl's broken French on her end and his broken English on his end)

As a preemptive strike after her last visit, she announced, "I am ready to suffer."

Without batting an eye, he said, "Very well."

She thought he was kidding.

"Can I have drugs," she asked.

"No, drugs are bad," he said. "Would you like some rum, you know Bacardi."

"Um, no," she said.

"Alcohol is better than drugs," he prompted her.

He then proceeded to use tools so scary that even Voldemort and Darth Vader would have cringed. During this time she looked like a cartoon character - I almost expected to see lighting bolts shooting out of her head.

"You need to come back on Wednesday," he finally said. "Don't worry. Eventually you will learn to love the pain."