July 4th, 2007

So This Is What Normal Is Like

The other day Squirt pissed all over Rome Girl's blanket and the coverture is way too big to put in our little washing machine (all appliances in Europe are half the size of their American Equivalents. My Socialist Paradise Fridge is the size of the freezer section of your Global American Imperialst Fridge.)

So, this morning I woke up at 9 a.m. (knowing that after about noon the laundromats here are so crowded as to make them beyond annoying.)

This was the first time in roughly six months that I'd been up before noon. I was shocked at how many people were also awake. I did notice that, like me, they all looked like they felt like shit.

Such is life.

I thought I'd get out of this quickly because the signs at the lavo said "wash 40 mins."

It turns out that that was for the 6 kilo machines. The 16 kilo machine I needed for giant fuzzy blanket plus sheets actually took almost two hours.

Fuck.

Then, right after I put five bucks in the dryer to dry the things Rome Girl called me up to say "You know it's warm enough out so that you don't have to put it in the dryer."

Fuckity. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I'm such a cheap bastard that I hung around for the stuff to dry for 30 mins, since I was going to use the fucking heat I'd paid for.

Anyway the end result was that I still managed to get home wide awake well before I'm usually wide awake, got all my work done before 5 p.m. (this never happens) and had more than enough time to enjoy a few early evening beers with Blonde Lesbian, Emma's Sexy Mom and The Dirty Baker.

Still, it's now 9 p.m. and I feel like I usually do at midnight.

What Can A Poor Boy Do?

For about two years I've owned The Rolling Stones Four Flicks DVD.

For most of that time I've watched these disks - which are three concerts and one documentary - on my television which doesn't get the best sound in the world.

But, tonight Rome Girl suggested I listen to music with her high tech headphones (because she's watching a TV show that she knows I'll hate.)

So, I've been switching the concert disks back and forth and am struck by something:

Keith and Ronnie play really, really well during the Paris club gig and at the Madison Square Garden Gig - but at the big 175,000 person session in London they are fucking dropping notes, screwing up chords and generally not playing very well.

Is it possible that even The Glimmer Twins are intimidated by giant audiences? Or is it that they have to do so much more presentation and dancing shit at the big gigs that they simply can't be as put together in the big stadiums?

Seriously, it's like it's not the same band.

EDIT: I've also noticed that while "Wild Horses" and "Angie" are great songs they are not songs that should ever be performed live.

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Clerks 2

"Sometimes," she said, "in the heat of the moment, it's OK to go ass to mouth."

As soon as Rosario Dawson said that line I realized the Clerks 2 was the real deal. That after the supreme fuck up of Mallrats and the weird cartoons that Kevin Smith had finally gotten his shit together again.

Maybe it's just a central/north Jersey thing, but I've always been bored by most Hollywood comedies. There's Something About Mary, Ace Ventura, Dodgeball and the like - none of them ever did anything for me.

This is why I was full of trepidation downloading Clerks 2 today.

The first Clerks is one of only about two or three movies to ever really make me laugh (The Aristocrats being another) and I was worried that 12 years later Kevin Smith wouldn't be able to pull it off again.

But, I'd realized that Clerks 2 was never going to come out in France and I had fuck all to do tonight, so we said "fuck it."

Jesus Christ, I'm glad we did.

Between Randal deciding that he is going to "reclaim" the term "porch monkey" in order to render it a non racist term (and wearing a jacket reading "porch monkey forever") and Jay and Silent Bob as members of a 12 step program who still deal drugs, Clerks 2 does what I wanted it to do - it gave me belly laughs for almost two hours straight.

What makes it work - unlike There's Something About Mary - is that while the humor is crude, it's always innocent. It's never really at anyone's expense.

Beyond that, there's an element of truth in it. When the Star Wars fan starts arguing with the Lord of the Rings fan and both of them accuse each other of being dorks, you are dealing with real life.

Plus, it's nice to think that some girls will let you go ass to mouth - in the heat of the moment at least.