May 19th, 2007

Sundries

Bar St. Roch celebrated the start of Spanish Week in the Quartier St. Roch of Montpellier last night.

This involved the owner, Gomez, dressing in drag as a red dressed senorita and riding in on a white horse. Then, for reasons best assumed rather than known, they gave everyone steamed muscles.

I watched all this with the lovely rip_her_off on my right and random French dude on my left. He was one of these guys who had clearly spent hours picking out his clothes, but hadn't bothered to wash his hair in a week or more. This is the opposite of American guys who seem to always have nice hair cuts but will go almost anywhere in sweatshirts and jeans.

Afterwards I made my own spicy chicken fingers by mixing bread crumbs with cajun pepper, then dipping strips of chicken in a mixture of egg and tabasco sauce and eventually frying the whole assembly. Rome Girl thought they were too spicy but Squirt and I yummed them up.

While Rome Girl finished up work for the day I went through the various responses to my blog entries about the female fingering book and realized that a lot of people miss an essential point about advice and relationship guides of all types - they aren't meant to work.

The deal is that if you ever solved someone's problem they'd only purchase from you once, and you'd go out of business. Imagine, if you will, if Cosmo's 50 Ways To Drive A Man Wild In Bed actually drove him wild in bed. No one would ever have to buy the next issue of Cosmo and they'd go bankrupt.

The whole point of any relationship/sexual advice guide of any kind, whether it be The Rules, The Virgin's Guide To Sex, How To Score Poon Like Nikki Sixx or The Barebackers Guide To The Galaxy is to make them buy the next guide.

Hence, you have to make sure that you give people just enough truth to hook them, but always keep the money advice just out of reach. The irony is that the real advice is easy:

How To Drive A Guy Wild In Bed: Communicate with him. Give him a decent amount of blow jobs, let him know you like his cock and ask him if he has any fetishes that he'd like to try. Wash, rinse repeat.

How To Drive A Girl Wild In Bed: Communicate with her, make her feel hot, talk to her about what she wants to do and pay attention to how she reacts to the things you do to her. More often than not this will also involve giving her a decent amount of oral sex. Wash, rinse, repeat.

This morning Rome Girl realized that her friend, Miss Brown, will be visiting us next week. So, she started rearranging the apartment. This drives me nuts so I went out and read more of John Irving's Until I Find You.

I now come to the conclusion, based not just on this book, but on the sum total of his work, that Irving really, really hates women and is terrified of female sexuality. This is sort of a revelation because after reading Garp and Hotel New Hampshire I thought he was a feminist.

Now I realize that he's just that creepy guy in college who pretends to be interested in women's rights so he get the smart girl comfortable enough to let him in her room before he rohynol's her.

In nearly all of the books he glamorizes shitty prostitution stories, rape, incest, female sexual dysfunction, etc.. He pretends that he's horrified but he's really sucked into the whole idea. And, notice, that almost all of his positive female characters don't have sex, can't have sex, don't enjoy sex, etc... and the female charcaters who do enjoy sex almost always seem to suffer some dire fate.

Sorrow may float, but so does John Irving's bullshit.

Pointless Poll?

What do you think the best Phil Spector track ever was?

I think I'm gonna for "You've Lost That Loving Feeling", but I'm ready to be convinced otherwise.

I'm guessing there will be a few people who go with "Let It Be" or "The Long And Winding Road", though I would note that Paul and John have both been on the record as saying they thought he fucked up the mix on those tunes.

John did, however, like they way Phil mixed a little ditty called "Imagine" and I read once that Yoko thought "Jealous Guy" was OK.

"Be My Baby" and "Da Doo Run Run" also strike me as in the running.

Talk to me people!