February 5th, 2007

Ick.

I need to find a way out of this argument with my parents.

Aparently I'm talking to myself without realizing it - assuming Rome Girl is telling the truth, which I'm sure is the case.

I really, really, really don't want to go back on meds, but I also don't want to start seeing things that don't exist again.

I'm going to be 38 in two weeks and it makes me feel like shit that my step mom can still push buttons that make me feel like shit and be angry with the world and filled with self loathing.

It would be so fucking easy to just take paxil or xanax for a few days until my brain sorted iteslf out, but I want to be stonger than that. I want to ride this out and win over the bad chemicals in my brain.

That said, Rome Girl has to live with me and I don't want to make her life a living hell or disappoint her or make her feel worried about me.

She points out, quite rationally, that the easy thing to do would be to simply not open their emails and if I do, not send any response back.

"Just be the bigger man," she commented.

She's right, but that doesn't seem like something I'm capable of.

Six Nations

The pubs this weekend were filled with people watching a game that looks suspcioiusly like American football - but is played by smaller players with less padding.

Also, every few minutes the players pile on each other in what looks a lot like a massive gay orgy.

They call it Six Nations, though I think several of the "nations" are really part of Great Britian. I could be wrong.

In general I ignore this kind of thing and let the manly men have their fun watching athletic boys get sweaty and play with their balls.

But, as will happen, every so often a bit of the commentary will sift into my ears. Yesterday this happened when the announcer said "That 22 year old hooker is incredible!"

Later, he said, "That hooker is about to go down."

I looked at the screen and it still just looked like a bunch of boys playing in a schoolyard.

So, clearly I missed the hookers. But I'll keep my eyes pealed during the next game.
Squirt

Cat Cooties

Sometime in the middle of the night, Squirt dragged a rubber cock ring out of the bedroom and dropped in in the middle of the living room floor.

I don't want to know what she did with it or how she found it.

Also, I've told her that she's much too young for these things.

Into The Night

Rome Girl is heading off to a girl's night out with Scottish Lassie, The Dirty Baker, The Lucious Lipstick Lesbians and assorted sodomizers, cocaine freaks, bikini babes and alcoholic scallywags.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

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