November 24th, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Do you think that the remaining Native Americans really hate this day and curse their ancestors for feeding us way back when? I know if I was on a reservation I'd shoot off to Blockbuster and rent Custer's Last Stand.

Perhaps they just pray that the Asian Bird Flu wipes out all the fowl this winter and next year The Invaders are stuck eating tofu Turkey.

Now, to digress into cliche. I'm thankful for:

Arthur Guinness

John Jameson

Col. Sanders

Chef Boy-R-Dee

Rome Girl

General Tso

The Lucious Lipstick Lesbians


In short, all the people who provide the stuff I like to eat and drink.


Quotes From A Thanksgiving

"I had a dream where it was the end of the world and you were nice to me."


Me: "What's your national holiday?"

Scott Boy: "We don't have one. Every day for us is a holiday."

Me. "Because you live in a cold and impoverished nation defeated by the UK?"

Scott Boy: "We never lost!"

Mr. Twist: "You reckon?"


Me: "Do you know anywhere that might have turkey?"

Miss Darling: "Some places may have it but call it chicken."


Mr. Twist: "Can you give this pint to Kim's pa."

Me: "Kim's dad! Your pint!"

Kim's Dad: "Hi. This is my daughter Kelly and I guess you know Kim."

Me: "I've never met Kim."

Kim: (With cold, dead stare): "Oh, we HAVE met."


Me: "How are you doing?"

Dominant Gangster Bartender: "I don't know."


Sam: "Your TV is bigger than mine."

Me: "Not the first time I've heard that."


Dominant Gangster Bartender: "Do you people watch American Football for the game or for the commercials?"

Rome Girl: "I don't watch it at all!"