October 14th, 2005

Miss Darling

Onward, forward to Miss Darling - the ultimate MILF (Mother I'd Like To Fuck), consumate bartendress and British wild child extradonairre.

This heavily bosumed blonde bombshell has a past that would make Jack Nicholson proud. Leaving home around age 16, she's tended bar around the world, run a brothel in Austrailia and had Asian men offer her millions to be their mistress.

If sexuality is a weapon, Miss Darling is well armed. Currently a happily married respectable mother, when I first met her platinum tresses, she still had the appetites and convictions of a 20 year old frat boy.

At the time, Miss Darling was running a bar competing with Fitzpatrick's Irish Pub. One night I was alone there with her and a random young dude drinking. The young dude asked Miss Darling if she would show him how to use the beer taps. At this point I needed to take a leak. When I came back, the boy was no where to be seen and I assumed he'd left. Miss Darling and I continued to talk about mundane things, until I noticed her shift her legs oddly. I stood up and looked over the bar. During the entire conversation the young man had been on his hands and knees discreetly going down on her.

It was at that moment that Miss Darling became my hero.

This is not to say that her exploits are confined to things sexual. Her consumption of Jack Daniels is at Keith Richards levels and she has the ability to brawl with the best of them.

A couple years ago, Miss Darling and I decided to go see the new Harry Potter movie together. Being that I'm a drunk and she is Miss Darling, we brought a bottle of vodka with us to the movie theater - and promptly drank the bottle empty during the previews. After the movie, Miss Darling was passed out and I was terrified. I had to make sure her husband could pick her up - and I was worried that she might have died from alcohol poisoning. So... I gave her a slap on the face in an attempt to wake her up. She shot forward, punched me in the eye and gave me a shiner that lasted two weeks.

All in all, it was a good night.

Perhaps most importantly she loves Rome Girl and hated my ex wife with a passion (and in fact suggested I leave her months before The Ballerina left me).

She is also the smartest human being I know.

Raise a bottle of Jack Daniels to Miss Darling.