October 11th, 2005

The Blonde Drag Queen

Next up in our Rogues Gallery is the infamous Blonde Drag Queen. Imagine the tallest drag queen you have ever seen. Imagine him with blonde fried curly hair. Now, imagine that he is wearing a bright green shirt, with a cherry red mini skirt, black vinyl boots and a purse resembling a disco ball.

Now, imagine he actually was a woman, toss in a sprinkle of Patsy and Edina, and you have essence of the Blonde Drag Queen.

While very good hearted, the Blonde Drag Queen - like real men in drag - exists to bring attention to herself - good or bad. She smiles and laughs just as much when told she looks like a man wearing a skirt as she would if you told her she was beatiful.

Currently in her mid 40s, this London Lemon Tart claims to have bedded every British Icon of the 70s and 80s - including some I had always assumed were gay.

Her mother is the mistress of a Madrid Councliman and her father used to be one of the most feared journalists on Fleet Street. Both of them make fun of the Blonde Drag Queen even more than Mr. Twist - who is constantly plotting ways to avoid serving her.

On a cruise sponsored this summer by the Lucious Lipstick Lesbians (whose strap on destroying amourous fervor we will discuss in a later chapter) she actually tried to convince young gay males that she had a better taste in both fashion and music then they did.

She was almost thrown overboard.

I made the mistake of buying her a vibrator for her birthday and a week later everyone sitting in Fitzpatrick's Irish Pub had to endure her explain in graphic detail, exactly where it had been and for what reasons the night before.

It was like hearing Dame Edna discuss rimming.

Sadly her skills at self promotion have not translated into her love life - which is a constant story of heartbreak, betrayal and maddness. Roughly a year ago she was talking with Rome Girl when this exchange transpired:

"My love life is like a greek tragedy," The Blonde Drag Queen said.
"Mine is like Penthouse Letters," Rome Girl responded.

Lets all raise a glass of red wine to the Blonde Drag Queen.

Tune in tomorrow - same Bart Time, same Bart Channel for the Dominant Gangster Bartender.