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Sep. 20th, 2017

The Death Of The Cross - First Half On Sale Now!

Chapter Five of The Death Of The Cross is done!

That means we are halfway there!

As a result I'm having a sale!

You can buy the entire first half of the book for only $3.99!

Damn, you say, how can you do that Bart? That price is just crazy!

I do it because I love you guys!

And if you aren't down with Kindle you can get it directly from Patreon!

It's a steal either way!

Sep. 17th, 2017

I Can't Wait For November!

Sep. 13th, 2017

Mother! - Movie Review

Ok. Fuck Daren Aronofsky for this wankfest male privilege masturbatory bullshit of a movie.

What makes this shitstain even worse is that there is a good horror film to be made from this material - but this isn't it.

It sucks so bad I am astonished anyone greenlit it in 2017. And I'm really pissed off that Jennifer Lawrence and Michelle Pfeiffer agreed to act in it.

We start off really, really good. Lawrence plays the much younger wife of a successful artist.

She doesn't know or have the experience in the world to deal with her husband and his friends who are like 30 some odd years older.

It's from her point of view and we see all the ways that a young woman can try to laugh off the (abusive) stuff that older people do. Catcalls, racist jokes, being pushy, making her feel like an object.

She puts up with it because she can never really be sure when she's in the wrong and when it's their fault. They are after all older and she loves her husband and wants to get along with the people he knows.

So it goes too far and is super creepy in how her body autoimmunity is constantly violated, her ideas not respected and the things she finds precious in the world are destroyed.

Fine.

Great fucking set up for an awesome feminist horror movie. As a viewer you are like "Hey, Jen you can fucking conquer these people!"

Then, out of nowhere the film takes a turn and is suddenly from the point of view of her husband. At this point it gets weird as she has to deal with violent cops, South American death squads, cannibalism, rape and torture.

After roughly 35 minutes of this her husband tells her that SHE HAS TO SUFFER FOR HIM TO CREATE ART!

And, because the husband is clearly a stand in for Aronofsky, instead of saying "fuck you, you abusive fuck" instead TELLS HIM SHE UNDERSTANDS AND STILL LOVES HIM.

Then, she agrees to go through it all again so he can create his next work of art.

My god. What a spit in the eye to women everywhere. Hell to decent people everywhere. To anyone who has ever cared for a young woman. To anyone who is not a sociopathic older male artist who gets off on making young women suffer for "inspiration."

This film should be mocked. It should be pissed on. Or better still, simply ignored.

Sep. 12th, 2017

The Death Of The Cross - Chapter Four

Chapter Four is out on Amazon.

You can also catch up on Patreon.

Go do it!

Sep. 5th, 2017

The Death Of The Cross - Chapter Three

Great news!

Chapter three of The Death Of The Cross is out?

Why not buy it today?

Or you could sign up on Patreon and get each chapter a day or two before you can buy it on Amazon!

Either way it's a great deal!

Sep. 3rd, 2017

Mister Information - How Do I Have An Affair?

Q.

I am going to sound naive, but how do people go about having affairs? I never thought it would be something I would consider, but recently I have felt like it is a good option. I feel clueless about how to approach these situations though.

A.

Well, carefully.

Before you even look for a dude make an adultery kit.

It should have:

A burner phone

Condoms

Lube

Small versions of the soap and perfume you use.

Hide it in your tampon box. No way any dude is looking there.

Then look for a dude or woman.

Has anyone in your social circle flirted with you a bit?

If not or if you social circle would make your skin crawl then you have to find a new person.

Your best bet is probably FetLife.

Make a description of yourself. No pictures, obviously, but be honest in what you look like and are interested in. If you are brave you can post one or two pics of your boobs - with no headshot, obvs.

Go into any of the million adultery groups there that peaks your interest. I have no idea what that is but you have everything from “affair with furry guy” to “discreet married enconters (name of region)“ so you’ll find something.

Talk to a bunch of guys, Don’t go for the first one.

Eventually you’ll find one you have some sort of chemistry with.

Agree to meet in a safe place. Have a drink or two.

If it looks good say “thanks” and then prepare for when you are going to meet as his place or a hotel.

You can then do it once or for six months. It’s really up to you!

If you just aren’t feeling it say “thanks but no thanks.”

When you talk to this guy or girl always use your burner phone. (This will be the fun part of it anyway.)

Sep. 2nd, 2017

Holy Shit! This Is Gonna Be The Best Toy Ever!

Dudes, check this out.



I have no words.

Except holy fucking shit!

Aug. 31st, 2017

Life Is Strange Before The Storm Chapter One Review

Wow. A Life Is Strange episode with zero trigger warnings!

I can actually recommend this to anyone.

Well, except if you are a homophobic turd - because the gay is strong with this one.

We play as Chloe Price three years before the original Life Is Strange. And that gives us insight into her inner world.

It starts off with her trying to masturbate about a dude, but she just can't and thinks of girls instead. (Note, this is not on screen. You'll see what I mean when you play.)

She goes to an underground rock club and is way out of her depth. She's about to be assaulted (not sexually) when Rachel Amber appears and helps diffuse the situation.

The rest of Chapter One is the two girls getting to know each other and dealing with their romantic feelings. Slowly at first, then more intensely toward the end.

They are bonded by coming from shitty home lives. Rachel tries to deal by leading a seemingly perfect life but is unsatisfied. Chloe tries to rebel and finds it equally unsatisfying.

This forms the basic of their initial attraction but the better they get to know each other the more they like each other.

In between we get to see what Prescott Academy was like before Max showed up.

Nathan is a nerd. Victoria is plotting on taking over The Vortex Club.

Chloe is into tabletop gaming.

The first chapter does contain a time travel element but it's way different than the original Life Is Strange - but sort of explains why Chloe was never that weirded out Max's abilities.

It's all kind of sad because we know both girls are doomed.

On the first playthrough I say it's avoiding falling too close into Telltale land. (At the very least a scene toward the end would play out VERY differently if Chloe made different choices.)

It is mostly set up. Can't give it a full review until I see what they are going to do with Chapter Two.

But it's definitely worth checking out - particularly since games about gay girls seem very rare.

Aug. 28th, 2017

Death Of The Cross Chapter Two On Amazon!

It's on Amazon!

Right here!

Of course if you want to get the chapters automatically a day before they are published on Amazon you can use Patreon instead.

It's all good.

Aug. 27th, 2017

Now Preview Chapter Two Of The Death Of The Cross!

It's up on Patreon right now.

Don't you want that shit before it comes out on Amazon?

Then sign up now!

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