Before I met you I was a girl - nearly 13 - in London and I will admit I liked boys. While you may not have noticed, I did kiss a few. It was a time between wars and passion and beauty seemed to matter.
Then the war started and I was taken with my siblings away from urbanity and into a rural place. Because of the situation I was placed as the mother of my brothers and sisters and this was hard.
I'm sorry that when my sister, Lucy, told me about you that I didn't believe. Please understand that so many of my friends who had stayed back in London were killed so it was hard for me to believe in anything.
Once you were known to me I did my best to honor you. I killed in your name. I touched your fur. I tried to believe.
When the war in your land was over I tried to be the best queen possible. I forgave people their sins. I embraced the idea that all souls, whether they could speak or not, were equal.
Then you sent me back to London and made me a teenage girl again. I thought you did so because I could use my experience to help make other teenage girls strong.
I soon learned that that assumption was wrong.
Along the way I not only kissed boys and wore lipstick, I encouraged my friends to do so as well.
And then you brought be back to Narnia and showed me that my palace was destroyed and that everything I loved was gone.
I still fought for you, but it was hard.
I lost faith. And you knew it which is why you banned me from the land forever.
You told me to find you in my own world. I tried, but what I found was not a lion, but a lamb.
I embraced him as well, but he told me it was fine to be a woman and so I put back on my lipstick and my nylons and I fell in love.
Even then I tried to honor you - until the day that the police called and told me that my family had been destroyed.
At that point, I gave up. I killed for you. I risked my life for you.
And in return you left me alone - and that's when I realized that the person you told me to find in my world was a better man than you would ever be a lion.