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Jul. 27th, 2016

Now That John Hinkley Jr. Has Gotten Out Of Prison.....

Who is the most jealous?

Who Is More Pissed Off Hinkley Got Out?

Charles Manson
1(8.3%)
Mark David Chapman
9(75.0%)
Ted Kaczynski
2(16.7%)

Jul. 24th, 2016

The Kiling Joke - Movie Review

Ugg. You know, I know why this film sucks and it sucks because of good intentions, which makes it hard to really trash it.

But...

Here's the thing. Obviously The Killing Joke book isn't long enough to make into a full length movie. So, they had to add something. And, they then clearly looked around to see what people might want and realized "Giving Barbara Gordon something to do other being a victim" was at the top of the list.

The result is that instead of expanding on the original Killing Joke story we get a 29 minute prequel about Barbara Gorden before the actual story starts.

The could have been really interesting and would have given a lot more emotional weight to the Big Bad Thing that eventually happens to her in The Killing Joke book.

The problem is the prequel is handled so ineptly that it borders on making her have even less agency than the source material did.

I shit you not she spends at least eight of those 26 minutes gossiping about her love life with her super cliche gay best friend. At these moments it feels like a late 80s rom com (not something I thought I would ever write about The Killing Joke.)

This is followed by her getting laid and then after that spending days doing nothing with her life but checking her phone to see if the dude has called her.

Who knew Barbara Gordon was a rules girl?

In between that she does try to fight bad guys but - with one exception - fucks up and is rescued by Batman each time. (And even that time fucks it up, she's just not saved by the Bat.)

Batman continually lectures her as though she is a small child. And at one point even says to her "we aren't equals."

And then...

It just suddenly jumps into a panel by panel exact recreation of the book. If you like the book, you'll like that part. Hamill is clearly having fun as The Joker and the fucked up shit remains fucked up.

But, holy intro Batman, there are many, many interesting Barbara Gordon stories to tell - a mediocre Nora Ephron inspired one is not it.

Jul. 22nd, 2016

I Predict This Couple Will Disappear/Be Found Dead In A Matter Of Days

Today we have an example of the bravest or dumbest couple ever.

Here's what happened. They bought a house. While moving in they found this hidden trap door.



Rather run screaming out of the house they went in the trap door where they found this box.



Now, at this point I'd be thinking about getting some gasoline and matches just in case I needed to burn the house down. But, no, this COMPLETE COUPLE OF LUNATICS INSTEAD FORCE OPEN THE BOX which contains this box:



OK. Hell to the no. I'd be fucking burning the house down right the fuck then.

But these fuckers actually opened up that box too!

They then found hidden treasure. Which, you know, good on them, maybe....

...but has this story every really worked out well for anyone? Who the fuck knows the story behind the buried treasure?

Somewhere some evil being right now is thinking WAIT? WHO STOLE MY FUCKING HIDDEN TREASURE? HOW DO I TORTURE THEM FOR ALL ETERNITY?

These people are doomed.

Jul. 20th, 2016

Tips For Pokemon Go

Since the game gives you almost no direction on what you should do or even what it wants you to do here are the things I'd wish I'd known when I started playing.

1. Evolving your critters is everything. Fuck powering anything up. Focus on evolving shit.

2. With that in mind never have two of the same unevolved critters on hand. If you get a second of something you already have look at both and transfer the one with the lowest CP.

3. Once you've evolved something then by all means power it up if you feel like it.

4. You'll get really few critters to capture at first. Don't get frustrated. As you go up in levels you'll find more (and better) ones.

5. Always use Great Balls on Zubats if you have them. Zubats are motherfuckers to catch with normal balls but they are good to have because for a common thing they evolve into really tough guys.

6. The pigeon type thing can evolve twice. The first evolution makes them seem useless, but the second evolution makes them bad ass motherfuckers.

7. Don't go near a gym until you are Level 10. Yeah, you want to go there at Level 5, but you'll just end up getting punked.

8. Once you are at the gym keep track of the blue meter. When it has two bars hold your finger down on the asshole fighting you and you'll release a really nice attack.

9. Throw all those berry things in the garbage can the second you get them. The amount of shit you are allowed to carry is really low and the berry things are really useless. You don't want to lose out on getting incense or lures because of some weird berry fetish.

10. Dump the little rat things. And dump the big rat things they evolve into because they are useless. If you need just a few experience points to get to a new level evolve one for the EP and then dump it.

Jul. 19th, 2016

Republicans Want Their Wives To Fuck Other Dudes

Accord to Xhamster in nearly ever red state "cuckold" is one of the top three - and usually the number one - porn search term.

Jul. 14th, 2016

Fucking Republicans

Poll #2049692 Fucking Republicans

Have You Fucked A Republican?

Yes
22(42.3%)
No
30(57.7%)

How Was It?

Great
8(16.3%)
Kinky
6(12.2%)
Meh
8(16.3%)
Bad
1(2.0%)
I Have Not Fucked A Republican
26(53.1%)

Cheap Trick Finally Found Something They Don't Think Is All Right

“The Republican National Committee called our office and offered us $100,000 to play at their convention in Cleveland [this summer]. We turned it down. Then we had second thoughts. Maybe we should have accepted it – but we would all have got swastika guitars made.”

Robin Zander - Lead Singer Of Cheap Trick

Jul. 13th, 2016

Pokemon Go Porn Is A Thing

Because of course it is.

Read more...Collapse )

Jul. 12th, 2016

Horror Restores My Mental Health

A lot of people over the years have told me that they find it strange that someone like me, who suffers from anxiety, loves horror movies. Their feeling is - shit you are nervous and paranoid in general, why watch something that is supposed to scare you.

The answer is that because horror movies are supposed to be scary they set me free and make me healthier.

Here's the thing. When you suffer from anxiety you see threats and stuff scares you whenever you do anything. And that anxiety builds up and either makes you want to just hide at home or else scream at someone to blow off the build up.

Plus you feel insane for wondering if, say, the waiter wants to kill you.

But neither of those options is practical.

Watching a horror movie is different. It's something you can control. You are supposed to feel nervous, so you don't feel crazy when you do. And, usually, you get at least one chance to have a socially acceptable scream, which blows off a lot of built up anxiety and makes you feel normal again.

This is why nearly everyone I know who suffers from anxiety likes a scary movie. It makes us feel sane and it gives us our power back while at the same time blowing off our anxiety in a way that doesn't bother anyone or seem weird.

That's a good, healthy thing.

Jul. 10th, 2016

Some Blunt Explanations For GOP Senators Not Going To The Republican National Convention

The Hill polled GOP senators on if they are going to the Republican National Convention.

Most are, but some of the ones who are not have some great explanations for why not.

Here's their list of the GOP sentators not going along with the explanation given The Hill (if an explanation was given.)


Kelly Ayotte (N.H.)

Roy Blunt (Mo.) — Spokesman: “The Missouri primary election is two weeks after the convention.”

Mike Crapo (Idaho) — “I’m in cycle and focusing on my own election.”

Steve Daines (Mont.) — “I’ll have my fly rod in my hand with my wife in Montana.”

Mike Enzi (Wyo.)

Jeff Flake (Ariz.) — “I’ve got to mow my lawn.”

Lindsey Graham (S.C.)

Ron Johnson (Wis.) — “Right now I don’t have plans to.”

Mark Kirk (Ill.)

John McCain (Ariz.) — “I’m up for reelection.”

Jerry Moran (Kan.) — “I haven’t made a final decision, but I haven’t planned on it.”

Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) — “I’m up in the state.”

Marco Rubio (Fla.) — Spokesman: “Marco had planned to go to the convention before he decided to seek reelection. Since Marco got into the race late, he will be in Florida campaigning and meeting with voters instead of going to Ohio.”

Ben Sasse (Neb.) — Spokesman: “Sen. Sasse will not be attending the convention and will instead take his kids to watch some dumpster fires across the state, all of which enjoy more popularity than the current front-runners.”

Richard Shelby (Ala.) — Spokesman: “I do not believe he plans to attend.”

Pat Toomey (Pa.) — “I’m not planning on being there.”

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