Drunken Expat Writer

Name the lead singer by the album cover. Note, I'm not asking for the name of the band. Wikipedia is cheating!

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It's February 9th. Should I really be getting an email from my mom saying she just realized they never got me anything for Christmas?

And, asking me what it was I asked for because she can't remember. Oh, and by the way asking me what I want for my birthday which is this fucking Sunday when she knows it takes a minimum of two weeks for anything to get from America to France?

The only good thing is that the fact that my response to her was friendly and not along the lines of "you should eat shit and die" or that all I want is cocaine and a hooker tells me that my shrink and Xanax are doing their job.

I'm going to be 41. This shit shouldn't still bother me but it does.

Was just doing the consumer reports style write ups for GPS units. When I got to the section on Best GPS Units For Motorcycles all I could think is "Shouldn't they come with a built in pistol and a place to hide your meth?"

Sleep in, but I'd get up early for a Lohan/Spears sandwich.

Recently one of Canada's oldest history magazines, The Beaver, decided to change it's name because it was getting blocked by search engine filters that assumed it was a porn site.

They changed their name to "Canada's History."

This amused Stephen Colbert who challenged his viewers to make the phrase "Canada's History" have an even dirtier connotation than "beaver." He told them to do so on their blogs, on news sites and most particularly Urban Dictionary.

They have done so and the results are beyond amusing.

Because we are cold and haven't been out together in a little while I'm taking Rome Girl here for dinner.

Grilled meat and potatoes = warm fuzzies.

Pete certainly looked good and was having a good time.

But, what the fuck was up with Roger's voice? My best guess is that there was something wrong with the onstage monitors and he couldn't hear what he sounded like - because I've seen fairly recent footage of The Who and his voice hasn't broken that much. My only other guess would be that whomever was mixing the sound for video output was fucking up.

Subject Line: Leave Her Snatch Deserted

Body copy: And she will worship your unique abilities!
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I'd never click on the link, but I do wonder what they are selling. The subject line suggests they could be going for gay porn or porn about simply going down on a woman.

The body copy makes me think it's for some penis pill, but it doesn't specify what unique abilities, so it could really go anywhere.

All the LJ generated ads today are for a Brazilian lesbian dating site.

I haven't even written about lesbians in weeks!

WTF is up with the LJ ad algorithm?

My birthday is Sunday, so I'm celebrating at the Vert Anglais.

Of course I know a lot of people can't come out on Sunday because they either have to work Monday or need to sex up their partners for Valentine's day. So, I figure why not make it a two night event and give Jody, Nick and Sarah as much business as possible.

Therefore I'll be birthday binging both Saturday and Sunday nights.

Remember, this is Montpellier - the gay capital of France - so you don't have to be afraid to come out!

Also - for the squeemish - I promise not to get naked and dance on the bar tables this year.

It's my birthday on Valentine's Day. I'm going to get drunk and burn churches to the ground.

Wow.

What an incredibly mediocre film.

There is nothing bad about it, but nothing particularly good either.

It's an example of the Movie About Wars We Regret Genre. And, it's hardly the best made film in that genre. Shit, Full Metal Jacket was 10 times better and more interesting.

All the characters are so two dimensional it's astounding.

To quote Rome Girl "Fucking Saving Private Ryan was better than that!"

To which I respond: "Three Kings was better than that! And that Leo thing where he was talking to the guy at CIA headquarters on Bluetooth!"

"Yes," Rome Girl said. "That was great. In The Hurt Locker I just didn't give a shit about those guys. They were all just douchebags."

I'd like to say that if this wins best picture James Cameron should be pissed off.

But, you know who should be really pissed off if that happens?

Quentin Tarantino who actually made a revolutionary interesting war movie this year.

Rome Girl's comment while proofreading my current porn project:

"This is a manual about how to be mean to people. If I was the husband and my wife did that to me, I'd just sit in the corner and think about how mean she was."

Of these five old school punk rockers, who is your favorite and why?

Joey



Jello



Henry



Glenn



Johnny

A thread on a friend's blog makes me think that men and women who are not into giving oral sex should come with warning stickers so the rest of us know not to date them.

In fact, I think they should have their own separate dating sites to keep them out of the mainstream dating pool.

I do notice that getoffyourknees.com is available.

I could start a business. The tagline could be "Don't give head! Just come to bed!" or "That's what she said: I don't give head!"

I break into the homes of teenage girls and steal their panties. I call them "my precious."

I've never read any Cormac McCarthy before but the bookstore had a copy of The Road on sale for six euros today.

So far I'm deeply unimpressed. His word choice and sentence structure (if you can call things that don't bother to have nouns or verbs "sentences") seem really annoying and pretentious. Man, does he love extraneous adjectives.

I don't get what he's trying to do at all. At about 35 pages into it, we have a weird mixture of The Stand and The Postman all told as almost an homage to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

I hope it either gets better soon or he at least tells me if it was nukes or solar flares that started this shit.

Rome Girl and I watched Groundhog Day tonight.

I've seen this film a bazillion times and I still laugh out loud at parts of it.

But, you know what I realized tonight?

It only works because Bill Murry is in it. You need someone who is a bit naturally misanthropic.

Imagine if Tom Hanks was in that role? It would be the worst, most annoying movie ever!

The only other person I can imagine in that role is Kevin Spacey.

But, then it wouldn't really be a comedy. It would be creepy as hell, because you'd be like "fuck, this creepy weird guy is going to use all this information to get in her pants."

Which is what Bill Murray does, but because Bill Murry isn't creepy it doesn't bother you the way it would if it was Spacey.

If Spacey was in the role it would give people nightmares and it would be compared to Looking For Mr. Goodbar.

Rome Girls MAC was supposed to be fixed last Tuesday. Then she called on Wednesday and they said they'd have it done by Thursday and call her. She just called them and they say it's still not ready because they need to get one more part in.

The repair guy is only there on Tuesdays and Thursdays so it won't be until at least Tuesday and probably Thursday that she gets her machine back. And, they haven't even offered to give her a loaner computer - which you think they would given that they are charging 390 euros to fix the fucking thing.

At this point I'm no longer annoyed at the expense - I just want her to get the thing back, because she's been working on our six year old backup computer that has 512 megs of RAM and it takes her forever to get anything done.

Of course, if we'd just spent the 400 euro on a new machine last week, we wouldn't have this problem, but I'm not going to let that get me down.

I am not impressed by Apple in any way, shape or form. I hope the I-Pad bankrupts them.