Drunken Expat Writer

What I want to ask my parents for for Christmas is an Alan Moore collection that would have Watchmen, V for Vendetta and The League Of Extraordinary Gentleman.

Yet, I can't find any collection on Amazon that has that and my dad is so internet problematic that even though the individual books are like $14 each trying to figure out how to buy all three would drive him insane.

Any suggestions

Mininova just announced it's going dark.

Anyone know of any other reliable download site for movies?

Ryanair has a special deal where I can fly round trip to Madrid from Marseille for 33.98 euros total round trip including all taxes and fees for the weekend of Jan. 22 to Jan. 25.

Rome Girl is so booking that for me so I can drink Estrella and check out The Garden of Earthly Delights.

(AP) -- LONDON -- Bestselling author J.K. Rowling announced today that she plans to come out of retirement to create a new series of books set in the Hogwarts universe - this time directing her prose at the adult section of the literary marketplace.

"I've realized that just like the characters in my books my audience has grown up," Rowling told the BBC. "It's time, I feel, to allow Harry, Ginny and Hermione to experience the darker challenges we all face as we enter and move through adulthood."

The first novel, tentatively titled "Harry Potter and the Backwards POG" will detail how an eight year period of uncertainty, war and unrest settles over the land after the son of a previously popular Minister of Magic steals the election for the leadership of the magic world.

"During the campaign and his term of office he and his supporters will use treachery, lies and misdirection to make the magic kingdom feel like they at risk for random Death Eater attacks at any time," said her agent Luke S. George. "This fear will allow them to cement their power and limit the civil rights of non-muggles everywhere."

A subplot of the book will be the decision that the Minister of Magic and his employees will for the first time be allowed to employ the Dark Arts and Forbidden Magic in order to help keep the population safe.

In future installments Rowling said she plans to have one book address a scandal of accusations of illicit homosexual activity at the Hogwarts boarding school.

"The allegations of the love that dare not speak it's name will involve a number of instructors and perhaps go as high as the headmaster's office," Rowling said.

My cave in Western Pakistan does not have room for the decadence of decorations.

Praise be to Allah.

Death to the Great Satan

Because I'm totally amused that it looks like Tiger Woods' wife beat the shit out of him with a golf club for cheating on her.

Because, you know, if Venus William's husband beat the shit out of her with a tennis racket for going 40-love with some other dude I'd be horrified.

I want to write a book where Bella grows up, gets tired of Edward, falls in love with Anakin Skywalker and gets into a huge intergalactic girl fight with Padme Amidala over him, only to be seduced by Voldemort who impregnates her with a child that becomes Bellatrix LeStrange.

It would explain so much.

Today there's a wine festival in the Place de la Comedie.

You pay two euros for a special wine glass. Then you can go to all the local wine sellers who have set up and have it filled as many times as you want all day long.

This would be a great deal if I wasn't allergic to wine.

What can't they have a Fete Du Vodka. Or a Fete Du Boobs. Or a Fete Du Kittens.

Also, the French Postal Workers are planning on having some sort of strike in the Place de la Comedie intended to disrupt the fete and air their grievances.

Since all of France hates the postal workers, this could be fun, when hundreds and hundreds of people who have been drinking free wine all day decide that it might be fun to kick the people who make them wait roughly 90 minutes in line whenever they want to mail a letter.

Best:

Harlot's Ghost

American Tabloid

The Robber Bride

Worst:

Finnegan's Wake

The Waste Lands (by T.S. Elliot)

Madame Bovary


The best ones are the best because they rock. The worst ones are simply unreadable crap.

Gawker has found the best series of emails between a freelancer and a dickweed client that I have ever read.

Don't feel like going to Wal-Mart today? Don't have a fortune to spend on holiday presents? Looking for something your friends and family members will love to open up on Christmas morning?

Then, stop right there! I'm here to help you out - and you don't even have to leave the house!

Why not purchase Rome Girl's book Miss Expatria for your loved ones?

1. Learn why she left America for Rome!

2. Discover the sordid secrets of her Gay Mafia!

3. Explore how she first met me.

4. Shudder in fear as our relationship develops!

5. Be awed by what she really thought of me on our first few dates!

6. Sit back and find out how and why she moved to France to live with me.

7. Be amazed at some of her living situations in Rome.

8. Feel connected to a celebrity!

See what Amazon reviewers said about Miss Expatria!

"For every American woman who has ever wanted to get the hell out of the US and go live la dolce vita...Miss Expatria did it. With her Gay Mafia to show her the ropes of living in Italy and provide comfort, love, and language lessons, Christine Cantera writes exuberantly about her new life in the old world, why every Italian meal is the best meal she ever ate, and finding love at the cyber cafe."

"Miss Expatria takes you on a journey of a dream life - but it's real! When I finished it, I bought another copy for a gift and now eagerly await the sequel! What a great movie this would make."

I don't get why anyone would go Black Friday shopping this year.

We are in the middle of a fucking recession. The only good thing about that is that it means that stuff this December is going to become really, really fucking cheap. You think you are getting bargains today. Shit, just wait two or three weeks and you'll end up paying half of what Best Buy is charging you right now.

Prices are going to go down like Sasha Grey on a film shoot. If you shop today you are not only going to be swamped by hordes of human lemurs, you are actually costing yourself money.

My Xanax prescription is many months out of date. This is because my doctor was supposed to retire and sell his practice to this new guy on September 1.

It's still going to happen but the paperwork has been held up by the prefecture. This means that my doctor has to officially be open and the new doc can't be there. In practice it means that my doctor goes to his office roughly one random day a week and spends the rest of his time drinking champagne mixed with whiskey at the Vert Anglais.

So, since I was out of Xanax this morning I went to the pharmacy with my old prescription and prayed they'd be cool. The pharmacist lady gave me a lecture about getting a new prescription, I told her that Robert is almost never around. She agreed and said that it's just becoming a pain in the ass for them to renew all his prescriptions and that I should track him down before next month.

I promised I would and she stuck the pills in a bag and gave them to me.

On my way home I realized she'd given my the .5 dosage instead of my usual .25.

Just took one and I bet I'm going to be super focused on work today!

Man, we sucked. The worst showing for Hannah's Bitches yet.

Either we are getting dumber as we get older or the young students are getting smarter.

Though, I am curious how the fuck heterosexual French students knew the fucking theme song to Golden Girls.

Hannah wore some really sexy boots, so the night wasn't a total loss.

Allah says I must kill you. Let the fatwa begin.

Way to go Secret Service!

Here you are in charge of the first Black President of the United States - who is so beloved in America that there are actually thousands of right wing fucknuts praying for his death.

So, you are going to be super careful - particularly around well publicized events, right?

Then, how the fuck did you let two sketchy reality TV star wannabees crash Obama's first official state dinner?

Riddle me that, Batman!

The Day of the Dead because I like to dance on the graves of the fallen.

Roman Polanski makes bail.

Because, you know, there is no way in hell he'd ever flee.

1. I really don't want to do anything for Thanksgiving except get my work done and then do the pub quiz.

2. It sorta depresses me that I don't want to do anything more for the holiday. I realize this makes no sense.

3. I have three entries posted to the Gawker Thanksgiving Horror Stories Contest. Part of me wants to win, but part of me also thinks it would be depressing if one of my stories is the most catastrophic of any family Thanksgiving horror story of the entire Gawker readership. On the bright side, after I posted my first one someone asked me if I was really David Sedaris. That sorta made me smile.